lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
