I like my sex mixed with concussions.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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