I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize