So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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