oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
