well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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