At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
