I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
