dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
