im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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