i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
