it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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