Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize