Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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