I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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