I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I need water and some morals
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
