I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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