Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
