Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just high enough for therapy.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
