please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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