Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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