my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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