omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i think i have two assholes
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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