i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I need moral support for this bender
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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