dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
