last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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