i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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