wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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