is your mom at the bar?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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