...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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