saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
