I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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