weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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