I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
