I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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