at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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