You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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