fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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