Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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