I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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