I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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