Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
