I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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