Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
