you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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