No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
