Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How naked do you want me to be?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
