You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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