But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
