i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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