I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I want to walk on stilts...naked
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Green mimosas i think yes
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize