she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
