I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
