that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize