We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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