She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
