he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
