So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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