my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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