Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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