it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
