WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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