is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
