Umm I'm too high to move.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
