omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
