can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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