I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
