you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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