As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
