I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
