So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
