I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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