i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You're a waste of cheezeits
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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