dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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