I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
