Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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