dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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