Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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