I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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