Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
