No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
