My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
