i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
