got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
