Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
