you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
