I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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