420 ftw
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
