I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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