were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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