Pappa wants mamma naked
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize