I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
