Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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