chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
