One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
