You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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