theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize