Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
