they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
