the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
