You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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