come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
