11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize