he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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