Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
